Dilectus Meus

Submission

I’ve never been afraid of her
Sitting in a cold corner alone
Staring at my last breathe
Recount the ounces of blood I’ve lost over my life time
All the heart beats that I wasted on fear
The dreams I dismissed off of meticulous lack of recklessness
All the souls I’ve made contact with
Along the emotional sicknesses I contracted
And the devils I signed contracts with
I’d welcome her slim silhouette with open arms,
She’d never leave me
Stand up in spirit
We’d stare for a second into each others eyes
Her stain glass windows into her soul

Cataracts of a cathedral

I couldn’t see inside but it’d be beautiful enough to admire
And with her incandescent irises
she’d look past the fog
And claim it all
Her long silver hair strands surfing the cold darkness
Black tattoos drawn from the inside out
All in vein
The grip on her steel sickle loose as she senses my submission
I won’t put up a fight
Just as how I live the entire day
Knowing there will be night
She’d admire my desire
And hold my hand through hells fire
The temporary purification
And as a last wish she’ll show my life after breathe
Show me my mothers grief
Far greater than the tears that fall from Mother Nature
And all my real friends as well as the faux and my foes
If you didn’t love my in life
Don’t love me in death
I’ll watch as my casket descends into the depths
And I’ll smile as it all happens…

Pyre

The ashes finally begin to simmer down

I’ve aged a century during the past few years

I know better now

Your searing brilliance

that once mesmerized my naive eyes

is just a firewall for fear

Melted skin is my leather jacket

When I was prepubescent 

out of curiosity i stuck my hand into the flame

and I’ll never go through that again

but i’ll keep you near in memory

just as Mother Earth keeps her Son by her

just enough to keep her warm,

millions of miles away…

Street Dreams

I had this dream
You were ahead of me.
Walking without a care.
Crossing a street.
Long past me.

I kept my eyes on your back regardless.

And as you strolled in the middle of the street,
A truck stampeded towards you
But you hovered with your usual heaviness
And I would’ve loved to see this collision occur
Or at least that was the lie I conjured

My legs still sped

And I thrusted you into safety
And soaked up your pain.

I woke up in a hospital
You were there waiting.
I told you to leave and live

I sacrificed myself for you
And that’s something I can never forgive

Heartlesss

The thing about being heartless
Is you don’t have a heart to break.
But it’s a sad life to live
if you ever stand to think about it

Being numb all the time…

You’d think it’d be nice
Having no heart
Nothing can hurt you,
But nothing can heal you either…

You can’t smile when you want to
You can’t really cry either
It all just sinks deeper
Deep into your soul
And you try to grasp the emptiness with your hands
But your palms just aren’t qualified for touching ghosts

Then something worse occurs
Feelings find themselves roaming into your soul
But they find no home
Just a hole
And so they exit through it 

And thats all there is to it.

Do you really want to bear the burden of an invincible armor? 

Every time I think I’m finally on to something
I remember the intense passion that digested my sanity
When I felt for you
And realize this is just something to pass the time…

Pt. III: My Twisted Fantasy

I dragged across hell

Head high with eyes low

My soul, Hydro

My neck snapped at the end of the downward spiral

Endless pain gone Viral

My heart beating in my palm

My left eyeball dragging to the ground

A cold breeze made this world too chilly

My stomach eating me out alive

my legs snap backwards

..I’m tired..

I see my desires burning in fire

the smoke rises higher

the devil is a liar

But it can mess with perception

His throne an upside down cross

he mocks the resurrection

There are even church bells in hell

and an “X” to mark the spot where Jesus fell

thats where I landed feeling lost and stranded

Suddenly I fell to my knees, I couldn’t see

Fingers crawled out of my throat

They claws with no remorse on their outward course

I regurgitated 

Picked my head up

and saw all my inner demons levitating

Insecurity didn’t look my way but he was yellow skinned and naked

Lust was a feminine me with a large bust

Depression was the largest and his skin was the hardest

but none of them compared to the black skin of Heartless

There was Ungrateful, Paranoia,

Regret moved in a while ago 

Jealousy was weak but responsible for the worst memories

They were all my enemies

Wicked entities in constant enmity within me

Above their heads were incomplete halos

Pride looked down on me as I tried not to look phased

But I was disgraced because they all had on my face

Rose to my feet, arm wrapped around my waist

My blood ran through my teeth and had a sugar taste

I didn’t see any of them,

Just right through them

They screamed in my ears, 

All my worst fears,

My flaws, my falls, all my faults,

But I was used to hell by then

so I wasn’t appalled 

I kept dragging until I met the seven headed dragon

He stared,

We had never met but he had his eye on me I bet

I blinked and he turned to a beauty 

told me not to fret

She saw my hand and pointed to the left hole in my chest

“I can fix you back to everything or leave you with nothing left”

I refused, even though I know that I would lose

She replied “You’re confused, why fight back? There’s no use”

I blinked again, The dragon had returned

i guess I didn’t learn, 

I dragged past and was engulfed by a fire blast

I kept dragging regardless

Burning was not a new feeling

I didn’t feel it

Its nothing compared to having a strong feeling

Just to not reveal it

So this fire was my new home

Still, I continued to roam

Burning in this pleasant hell

All alone…

Murder

I beg forgiveness
Eros shot me, I killed you
I won’t forgive me

Haiku .8

Laughing in a crowd

Slowly they fade into black

Smiling on my own

Lost

I remember when

I used to be so in love

now we are just ghosts

Virgin

I just like the fact
We both don’t know what to do
But we still do it